by Uchechi | Mar 21, 2021 | Business Tips, coaching, Mindset
I receive the same question all the time. How do I become more comfortable sharing my life’s work as I grow my digital presence? As a conscious business coach, I want to help you identify any narratives that block you. Women know this familiar story.
Women of color also know this history. Any woman who holds multiple identities knows this history.
The Fear Of Sharing Ourselves Begins With Young Women
It starts in adolescence, and social media enlarges the pressure, especially on young women. That pressure follows us into adulthood and behind the doors of our life’s work. But I want to help you get there by shifting the conversation and asking a different question. You can turn your fear of showing up online into a powerful purpose.
How To Move Past The Fear Of Sharing Your Work on Social Media
- Let go of the idea that you will feel more comfortable. Shift the narrative by introducing a better question. You do not become more comfortable sharing yourself online. It will feel triggering and challenging every single time.
- Move from comfort to purpose and ask this question instead: how can I become more purposeful?
- Your purpose helps you live a more meaningful life. I’ve read so many self-help books and blogs and podcasts and this seems to be what everyone is looking for. Happiness and fulfillment through meaning.
When I dare to be powerful, to use my voice in the service of my vision. Then it matters less if I am afraid.
When you lack clarity and feel discomfort, shift your attention to your purpose.
Why do you want to grow an audience? Why do you want more followers? What is important for you to share with them? Focusing on comfort will confuse you and delay the next action. It knows how to convince you that your goals are insignificant, It will tell you don’t look great today. It needs a contender.
That contender is your purpose.
Why are you doing what you are doing? What is the greater impact you want to have? For instance, my goal is to help conscious women master the mindset + messaging + strategy they need to transform their digital business. I write that on post-it notes and put it everywhere. I have one on my desk. I have another one on my bathroom mirror. I have another one on the kitchen wall next to the stove. This is where I make coffee every morning and this reminder is essential.
Here are a few ways your purpose can serve you when self-doubt and fear set in:
- You remember that your greater mission is bigger than this moment of fear.
- You learn to use your face, voice, words towards your purpose. They are not there to look great.
- You can let go of your insecurities for a few minutes, knowing that your face is there to stand for something.
- You stop focusing on what you look like and start focusing on your greater message.
In conclusion, sharing your work online can help you grow your impact and income, but it can also bring up a lot of fears and self-doubt. This can increase as women. We live in a society that encourages us to choose perfection over our purpose. Instead of thinking about how to get more comfortable being yourself and sharing, it helps to think about how you can become more purposeful.
This purpose can support you when you feel afraid. Your purpose supports you during those bad hair days during the quarantine. When you focus on purpose, you take the attention away from self-doubt and direct it towards your mission. It allows you to remember that one day of content is one moment towards a bigger vision. This is your invitation to reimagine sharing your work on social media in the face of fear. Can you allow the discomfort and move closer to a purpose” Can you ask yourself how you can become more purposeful as you share your work online?
Your purpose follows your intention.
Hello! I’m Uchechi, holistic life, and business design coach for intentional women entrepreneurs. I help you integrate the mindset, messaging, and methodology to elevate your income and impact with intention and ease. My life’s calling is to give you the language to architect and design your desires.
by Uchechi | Aug 8, 2019 | career coaching, creativity, web design
Desire is the roadmap to finding out what you really want, how far you’ve actually come and where you want to go. What if the things you’ve always wanted have already come true?
I believe that our lives can change for the better when we ask the right questions. This week, my creative life changed with one question. What do you desire? This month, I’m exploring the word desire, as it applies to “creative desire.” I’ve been asking myself these questions:
- What do you desire in your work?
- What is it you want?
- What’s one thing that could change everything for the better?
What if your creative desires have already come true?
For years, I’ve wanted this one thing: to become a full time, paid writer. Every year, I create vision boards with images of the writers I most admire. Many of them shaped my perspective as a writer, and some of them are my creative ancestors. Writing is not a dream. It is a way of life for me, something I do with or without payment.
My love of language started at a young age. My mother filled the library with books from around the world. I read Achebe, Baldwin, Dr. Angelou, and the late Toni Morrison. I read anything I could find anywhere and deep down I knew I wanted to do what these people did. Language has always made me and allowed me to discover myself. Language and what we do with it can create profound experiences. And I wanted to find a way to pay the bills, keep food on the table and stay off the street.
My mother often worried this would happen. I was so busy wanting it and imagining what it had to look like, that I almost missed the fact that I had made my wish come true. I am a paid writer, and I didn’t even realize it. Let me explain.
Acknowledging your creative desire allows you to improve your creativity and see how far you’ve come
I work in technology as a web designer. Some days I build websites. Some days I’m more focused on the user experience side, while other days I write website copy. For every project I’ve worked on over the past 10 years, I’ve written something.
- I write client biographies.
- I write the Call To Action on each button.
- I write the Brand Story.
- I usually write the About Us page. 4. And sometimes, a client shows up with no copy.
- I start from scratch and I usually write something for every page on the website.
- Last summer, I wrote my first script for a short film.
I also wrote the product description for the first green screen app in 2011.
I have always been a writer. It’s in my blood. It’s how I make sense of the world, of my work. But when it did not show up in a way I could recognize it, I forgot about it. I needed to remember this. I needed to remember that every project I work on starts with a story. And usually, I’m using a combination of writing, images, and design to tell that story. And I’m getting paid to do it. Now, I can tell my mom not to worry.
I hope you take the time to ask yourself these questions to help you improve your creativity:
- What do I want?
- What do I desire?
- What part of this desire has already been fulfilled?
And when you receive the answer, be open to realizing that you may have already fulfilled your wish. You might need to find a new dream.
How did I miss this realization? I don’t know, but I can’t ignore it now. I did what many people told me I couldn’t do. Now, when they ask me what I do. I’ll say writer like I often do. But when the say “but how do you pay the bills.” I’ll say the same thing over and over again until they believe it as much as I do. Keep going dear creative. We all want to see your brilliance.
Your Future Self
by Uchechi | Apr 19, 2019 | career coaching, creative resilience, creativity
Photo by Johann Walter Bantz on Unsplash
by Uchechi | Mar 14, 2019 | career coaching, creative resilience, creativity
Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash
You have everything you need to start.
Let me tell you a story.
Last year, I wanted to start blogging consistently. I researched my blogging niche. I made lists of all the topics I wanted to discuss on my blog. I even “tested the market” to see if people in my network would be interested in the subject. Although my friends said “yes”,I still continued researching. I compiled websites and documents for days, and I still did more research.
It took me many months before I actually committed and started blogging regularly. So, I am sharing this story because I want you to know that you are not alone. We’ve all been there. We know we need to start something, but for some reason we don’t.
Here’s what I discovered during my blogging research:
- I did not start because I thought I had to write a certain type of blog in order to find readers.
- I did not start because I was waiting for the “right time” to start my blog. There was always some work challenge that needed my attention first.
- I didn’t start because I had convinced myself that there was a “right time.”
There is no right time to start your creative career.
I realized that there is no right time.
Start now. Pick the next thing. Do you need to send an email? Do you have an email address? Send the email. Do you need to create a WordPress account? Do you have a working wifi connection? Do you have a computer? Create that account.Do you need to call that advisor to help you figure out how to get your company back on track? Call the advisor. Send them a text. Ask them to tell you when the best time is for them to talk.
I’m writing this because one of the things I’ve discovered that has made all the difference in my creative career is what David Kadavy calls “the heart to start.”
Can you give yourself permission to start?
Trusting your creative voice and giving yourself permission to start isn’t usually a question of resources. It’s often a conversation about creative confidence. Most of the tools I mentioned above are things many of us have. You can go to a remote village in the far corners of the world and find a wifi connection, even it is somewhat weak.
Usually, we’re struggling to find the courage to start.
Usually, we’re struggling to find the courage to start, the willingness to put aside the fear of judgment, ridicule, the comments from the haters. And sometimes, like myself, we are more afraid of the greatness that could ensue. Someone could start reading your blog. Some of the comments could be cheering you on. Imagine that? Imagine how that would look and feel.
There’s a narrative that says you have to have it all figured out in order to move forward. I don’t know how it got started or who started it because it is very dangerous.
It does not account for the fact that most of us do not need to have everything figured out in order to do the next thing. And most of the time we can not see the thing after that if we don’t take one small step.
What if it all worked out?
And often, that one step becomes two steps and then there’s the ripple effect. For every action of ours, there’s a reaction. We fear the negative reactions, but what about the positive reactions? What about the person who needs your work, and lets you know just how much they need it in the comments section.
What about thinking about what could happen if it all worked out?
The word perfect (as a verb) means “to improve through making.”So, you can only get better at your craft if you just keep making. When we focus so much on the end result, we rob ourselves of what we might discover in the process. We rob ourselves of the true gift.
I did say that you have what you need to get started. But you might feel like you don’t have what you need to follow through. Guess what? You can’t know that yet. You won’t know that yet.
Just start. Then see what happens. You have everything you need.
I hope you keep going. I want to see your brilliance.
Your Future Self
by Uchechi | Mar 7, 2019 | career coaching, creative confidence
I want to talk to you about confidence.
This month, I’m exploring the theme of creative confidence.
But before I talk about creative confidence, I have to talk about confidence.
We tell ourselves to just be confident. We are also surrounded by media that encourages us to do the same. From teen magazines to women-centered blogs, I see lists everywhere.
After a while, I became annoyed with these “top 10 lists for more confidence.” The message wasn’t wrong, but I found that the way to get there always seemed vague and uninspiring. I was supposed to stare at myself in the mirror, push my shoulders back and realize my innate power.
This definition never served me.
Photo by Autumn Goodman on Unsplash
What is creative confidence?
I thought confidence had everything to do with how good you felt about yourself. In school, the confident girls had clear skin, straight teeth, nice clothes and a walk that announced them before they entered the room.
I thought confidence was something innate. Some of us had it, and others would have to struggle all our lives to embody it.
Creative Confidence Is Linked To Creative Failure
What if confidence is directly related to failure?
What if confidence has everything to do with your ability to trust yourself when everything is going well and when everything falls apart?
You must confide in yourself to become more confident in your work.
Confidence is defined as the ability to rely on oneself. It is also defined as trustworthy.
Confidence comes from the root word confide, which means “to trust someone for safekeeping.”
- What if, our creative confidence is deeply rooted in our ability to trust our creative work?
- What if that trust can only come from becoming our best confidant and being able to confide in ourselves?
I trust my friends because I know I can confide in them. I can tell them the things that I’m excited about, as well as the things I’m scared of.
They represent my tribe because I can trust them with the things I tell them. They have shown themselves to be reliable when it comes to listening and safeguarding my truths. They will be honest with me and not just tell me the things I want to hear.
But when I looked at my own ability to confide in myself, I had to ask these same questions:
- Can you truly confide in yourself?
- Can you speak kindly to yourself?
- Can you listen and make myself tea when your current self shows up crying on the doorstep of your future self?
- Can you be honest with yourself about my creative work?
- Can you praise my work when and notice where you need to improve?
- Can you be my best creative confidant?
My best confidante does not just tell me what I want to hear. She also tells me hard truths about my work.
How can you apply this to creative confidence?
1. You become reliable when you show up over and over again. Are you showing up for your work? Are you practicing it? Are you giving it the attention it deserves?
2. You become reliable when you can acknowledge the ways in which your work works and where it needs work.
3. You become more confident when you trust in your ability. You cannot trust in your creative ability if you are not creating a body of work. It is only in creating a lot that you can start to see your patterns, your creative weaknesses, and strengths.
In 2019, I feel more creatively confident because I have come to trust my voice and my ability and confide in myself.
When we encourage people to let go of fear and become more confident so they can put their work out there, we are doing them a disservice.
I’d suggest that we think of things differently. Let’s start encouraging people to carry fear and lack of confidence with them as they do the work, understanding that they will become more confident when they become their greatest creative confidante.
Keep going. I want to see your brilliance.
Your Future Self
by Uchechi | Feb 28, 2019 | career coaching, creative resilience, creativity
Photo by Kévin Langlais on Unsplash
On your hardest days, I want you to look back and reference yourself. Reach back into your history find a time when you, yes you, found a way to become your own creative superhero in spite of everything. This will be your defining moment. This will be your blueprint. this will be the guidepost for the way forward.
Yes, I’m encouraging you to reference yourself.
Let me tell you a story
I love old photos. I love the ripped edges, the looks on the faces. There’s a snapshot of who that person was, and it’s also an acknowledgment of who they were becoming at that moment. This is how we document history. I’ve been looking at my old photos again.
Honor Your Creative History
I’ve been thinking about how our histories as creatives are being made each and every day. Old photos are no longer black and white images from 100 years ago. They are the photos from my college graduation, the awkward itchy dress from that birthday party. They become personal and professional reference material of who we were and who we are becoming. On my hardest days, I’ve pulled out these photos. I needed to remember the girl I was back then. I needed to remember the creative strength it took to do some of the things that seem so impossible today.
I needed to reference myself.
How Do We Create In the Face Of Devastation?
This week marks my younger brother’s anniversary of his passing. It is also the week of his birthday. He would have been 35 this coming Monday. But he is not here.
I’ve been meditating (and crying) a lot this week. So, as I was meditating and holding my hand on my chest, I started crying. I was remembering the 22-year-old girl who went through so much in her last year of university. The things I learned from the woman I was (and became) during his passing are still there. I had just forgotten them.
- My brother died 3 months before I graduated. I had to finish my 50-page honors thesis and cry my way through all of my classes. I was not a fully functioning human being at the time. How could I be?
- My world blew up. Everything I knew was turned on its head and aI no longer knew who I thought I knew myself to be. This was a devastating time. During my last few months, my mentor, teacher, and friend June Jordan’s cancer came back with a full force and she died within a year.
- As I stood up there on that stage and gave the valedictory address, I laughed and cried at the same time. This was the best and worst day of my life. My mentor was supposed to introduce me, but she was so sick. My brother was supposed to be there, but he was dead.
The Power Of Referencing Your Past Creative Work
As I look back, I think about the sadness of the day and the joy of the day, but there was also the triumph of that day. How was I able to do the impossible. There was also breaking life into what seemed impossible and doing it. There was also my ability to hold my grief and my fear and my sadness and my joy all at the same time. So now, as I sit here meditating, I come back to that young woman. She was only a few years out of girlhood, and she had to find a way to get through that day.
I don’t know how she did it. I don’t know how she held the best and worst day of her life in both hands. I don’t know how her hands didn’t shake and collapse her to the ground, right there on that stage in front of everyone.
Honor Your Creative Courage
I don’t know why she did not give up. She could have said screw this whole thing and stayed in bed for weeks. She could have chosen to not graduate and take the remaining classes when she could have just left and never seen the walls of a university classroom again.
I would not blame her. Most people would understand.
It is hard to imagine that I am that same woman. I know she is strong and I know she cried in the bathroom while she waited to take the stage at the graduation theater. I know she cried while she was on stage.
Think back to a time when you were own creative superhero. What did it teach you? How did it change you? What lessons can you apply now?
Keep going dear creative. I want to see your brilliance.
Your Future Self