beating yourself up always feels good
take a minute
in the bathroom
lean in
look at the loose grey hair coming in
it is there to remind you of everything
you’ve ever failed at becoming
the truth is
only you know why you insist on plucking it
the rage comes nexts
a hot red face
bulging eyes on the cliff of mist
none of us know how to do this
to be with the failure
to love it to give it warmth
to turn the music up strip down bare
dance only in our bras and underwear
instead of
peering at ourselves in the mirror
how do we get good at doing that other thing
how do we get good at taking a deep breath
and being in the company of now
the now that reminds us that the baby girl sleeping
so still next door came from us
which means she came from good things
the now of laughter the now of eyes that say i will stay and listen
i’ve got you
the now of the people we build up the emails we write back the work we decide to love even when it doesn’t love us the
now of the decision to give doubt a day off the now of asking for help the now of calling anyone the now of willing to say athe f word
and not coil back into ourselves
the now of failure
and how mighty it feels
the way it fills the room all diety like
and makes no room for us the now of failing into
ourselves instead of failing out of ourselves
the now of doing th work
asking how does this feel
taking a bath going for a walk
doing anything but pointing a finger and the beautiful
you in the mirror
this is the hard work
but the comapny of our own breath
is that which we will always know
that which will warm us that which
will rub our backs that which we will detest
just when we need to love her
the now of this moment
brings such sweet company
let us leave the loud voices of parents
and friends who encourage us to say
we cant
and sit in the sun
flickering in the sweet company
of all that we are
so diligently
becoming