beating yourself up always feels good

take a minute

in the bathroom

lean in

look at the loose grey hair coming in

it is there to remind you of everything

you’ve ever failed at becoming

the truth is

only you know why you insist on plucking it

the rage comes nexts

a hot red face

bulging eyes on the cliff of mist

none of us know how to do this

to be with the failure

to love it to give it warmth

to turn the music up strip down bare

dance only in our bras and underwear

instead of

peering at ourselves  in the mirror

how do we get good at doing that other thing

how do we get good at taking a deep breath

and being in the company of now

the now that reminds us that the baby girl sleeping

so still next door came from us

which means she came from good things

the now of laughter the now of eyes that say i will stay and listen

i’ve got you

the now of the people we build up the emails we write back the work we decide to love even when it doesn’t love us the

now of the decision to give doubt a day off the now of asking for help the now of calling anyone the now of willing to say athe f word

and not coil back into ourselves

the now of failure

and how mighty it feels

the way it fills the room all diety like

and makes no room for us the now of failing into

ourselves instead of failing out of ourselves

the now of doing th work

asking how does this feel

taking a bath going for a walk

doing anything but pointing a finger and the beautiful

you in the mirror

this is the hard work

but the comapny of our own breath

is that which we will always know

that which will warm us that which

will rub our backs that which we will detest

just when we need to love her

the now of this moment
brings such sweet company
let us leave the loud voices of parents
and friends who encourage us to say
we cant

and sit in the sun
flickering in the  sweet company
of all that we are
so diligently

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